See You in 2011!

I'm trying to recall when I had my last running race. Was it the 15k Amazing Kidney Run in UP? That was like months ago- March 7, 2010 to be exact. And since then, no more as another conflicting aim came up: project baby.

It had to take one miscarriage for me to realize that I tend to have delicate pregnancies. Unlike others, I cannot possibly do brisk walking or light running without jeopardizing my baby (babies this time as I am having twins).

And so, it is goodbye running for now. I will see you sometime in June 2011. I'm still dreaming of doing a marathon. Who knows, I might even try to push my twins along on my first try. Ok, maybe not for the whole stretch :-) Just for pictorials. Hehehe.

To my running friends, enjoy it while you can! I will have to content myself with egging my husband to run for me instead.

I will definitely be back!

Double Surprise!

Finding out that we were pregnant again three months after a miscarriage was already great news. Finding out that we were having twins this time around was just more than what we could ever have imagined or expected! God does give and take away at His own will. But He also remembers to restore.

It was July 19 when I had my first ultrasound to check for the viability of my pregnancy. All we were praying for was for the baby to have a heartbeat. How surprised we were when two heartbeats fluttered before us!

I was struggling to hold back the tears when the doctor showed those two tiny specks of life onscreen. Ryan made things "worse" when he came in and just broke down when he realized his bills and payables would be doubled (hehehe ;-p)! We ended up laughing and crying inside the ultrasound room as we hugged and said a prayer together.

How I wish I could say that it was smooth sailing after. The day before the first ultrasound, I had some light blood spotting and was rushed to the hospital. Given my pregnancy history,  my current pregnancy is deemed to be on the sensitive side. I had to take two weeks of complete bed rest. That was TWO whole weeks of not going out of the house and limited bathroom privileges. I almost got depressed until I saw the second ultrasound results. Barely two weeks after, the tiny specks quadrupled in size and their heartbeats were more than twice as fast as mine.

Ultrasound snapshot at 7 weeks, 4 days. The Tan twins now measure 1.35 cm with heartbeats of 169 and 162 bpm.

Today, my Bible reading brought me to Psalm 127:3. It says that children are an inheritance from the Lord. They are not worked for- they are simply given. Everytime I lay my hands on my womb to pray for my unborn babies, I do wrestle with God to have their lives preserved. We are still within the twelve-week danger zone. I can only do so much in eating the right food, staying away from harmful substances, taking plenty of rest, giving up certain activities and even taking on the wheelchair. But in the end, it is still the sovereignty of God that will prevail.

I choose to be still now and know that God is God, and BELIEVE  that He will give us our babies this time around.

No to Stairs

I have resolved to avoid the stairs for at least the next seven months. It will be a bit sad for me because it means I will have to miss the Sunday services in Music Museum and gatherings held at the VCF Center.

On the brighter side, that leaves me no option but to stick with VCF Greenhills' new mid-week services at the Teatrino. God's timing is really good!

Salt and Groceries

The two-week complete bed rest sentence finally ended with today's checkup with my OB-GYN. My, how elated I was when I finally got to step out of the condo!

We had some good news from the checkup and ultrasound (will talk about this in another entry), and to celebrate, my husband relented on my plea to just go anywhere except home.

We agreed to go malling on one condition- I will have to use the wheelchair. For my own good and the babies', I willingly played the role of a PWD being strolled around Rockwell.

Our chosen mall seemed to be PWD-friendly and Ryan was wheeling me around with ease until we decided to make a stop at the grocery section. He encountered his first challenge: how will he maneuver the grocery push cart while wheeling me around? I found some good use for my childish instincts and gamely suggested that he continue with pushing me around (in the literal sense!) and I in turn will push the grocery push cart.

Judging from the stares we got, we must have been quite a sight with our noisy blabber and all. It was just hilarious! Definitely one for the Kodak moments category. Too bad we didn't have a camera in hand.

Then came Salt time. Yes, I'm referring to Angelina Jolie's recent action movie hit. Had no idea on how people in wheelchairs were accommodated in the movie house but we were game to try. Judging from the long lines to the ticket booth, we thought it was unlikely we'd get any decent seating. It turned out that PWDs are allotted some good seats. There is some advantage to being pushed around in a wheelchair after all!

As expected, Angelina was just brilliant for the role and the movie was great, except that I found the ending uncompelling (but how would you end it, anyway? Still have to think this over).

The lovely date was capped off with an early dinner at Bistro Miyaki. I didn't realize how tired I was until I plopped myself in bed. Ryan must have been tired, too, from all that wheeling around and my endless firing of "honey, kindly do this please and that please" for he soon dozed off.

Thank God for wonderful dates with my amazing hubby!

Wisdom Waits, and Sometimes Even Stalls

My takeaway from today's devotional based on the last few chapters of the book "A Woman After God's Own Heart" by Elizabeth George.

Proverbs 19:2 says, "It is not good... to be hasty and miss the way".

This brings to mind an instance when both Ryan and I foolishly allowed ourselves to be pressured into making a hasty decision. We coughed up a not-so-insignificant amount of money in the middle of the night, and the next day we woke up feeling stupid and duped.

Nothing beats the carefully-thought-of-and-prayed-for course of action. I do realize that there are some situations that are just screaming for a quick decision like a one-day 70% sale on a favorite brand. I now call them "fake urgencies".

Opportunities that pass us by while we do our thinking and praying homework might actually be good ones, but the nobler aim is to go for the best. Always.

So think- and pray- before making that impulsive decision.

Touched by a Boy's Prayer

It's been more than two months since we lost our first baby-to-be at six weeks in my womb. While it is not easy to declare "The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the Name of the Lord" when faced with such a loss, we have more or less gone past our first heartache as a couple with the prayers and support from dear friends and loved ones. 

And now with renewed hope we are back at our planning calendar again, eager to give our Project Baby a second shot. God never fails to provide encouragement, especially at times when my husband is just too stressed to keep up with the schedule :-)

Like this week. We got a text message from ate Annie* that really touched my husband and sent a tear rolling down my cheeks. It went like this:

"Hi Ryan. Just want to let you know that my son Jerome and I were praying last night, when he thought of Jihan. He prayed that Jihan would be with child. In Jesus' name, I said amen."

Jerome is 12 years old and I  run into him once in a while before or after one of the Sunday worship services in VCF Greenhills. Maybe a couple of weeks ago, he asked how my baby was, not knowing that I had a miscarriage. He had this concerned look on his face when he heard the sad news and tried to console me by mentioning that he will pray for us to have a baby again soon. I might have underestimated his sincerity (apologies, Jerome!) for I was surprised and moved  that he did remember to pray for us!

We got a boost from Jerome's simple act. It is a loving reminder that we are not alone in this; many more are standing with us in prayer and we are just thankful to God for that.

* ate Annie Chua and her husband kuya Jason are Ryan's leaders in VCF Greenhills' ushering team. Jerome is one of their eldest twin sons.